Common Beliefs

A common response to the idea of sexual fantasy is, "Well, I do not see anything that leads me to believe that sexual fantasies are wrong, but I just think they are." Here are some of the reasons Christians may hold this belief:

1. They think that sexual fantasy is connected with pornography.
While this can happen, individuals have fantasies regardless of whether they have ever seen pornography of any type. To counter this problem couples should be honest about the source of their fantasies.

2. They are taught so often that sexuality is bad before marriage that they have a hard time removing the mental barriers after they get married.
To state it plainly, married life is categorically different from single life and a completely different set of rules is in play. Once sexual intercourse becomes acceptable, thinking about sexual intercourse does also, as it would be difficult to have sex but never think about it.

3. They have not spent much time focusing on their own fantasy lives and do not think a fantasy life is important.
Each member of a couple must realize that they offer their bodies and minds to their spouse. The needs of one spouse become the needs of both. Choosing to ignore fantasies yourself does not make them wrong for others.

4. They think all fantasies focus on immoral things and that the underlying action is wrong.
That should be examined further. What are the specific actions that they believe are immoral? Why are they immoral? Just because a topic is not discussed from the pulpit on Sunday does not make it a sin. Sexual fantasies can be sinful, but they are not necessarily sinful. Many are helpful and God given.

5. They think that fantasies are about people other than one's spouse.
The most common fantasy for most people is having great sex with their current partner. They should not let jealousy and insecurity get in the way of something that has the potential to strengthen their marriage.

6. They are resentful that they have not had their fantasies fulfilled in the marriage.
If their fantasies are not being fulfilled, it is time to start doing something about that problem. The answer to unfulfilled fantasies is not to dismiss them altogether, it is to understand and embrace them.